So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
