If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
