hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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