i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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