just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
