before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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