over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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