can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
