I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
