My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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