So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
