Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
