Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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