i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My Higher Power is John Stamos
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
