ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
