Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
