Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
