man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
