Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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