I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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