Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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