If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
