grandma shit on top of the toilet
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I touched a dick in church today
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
