You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
