Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You are a booty call, not a friend.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
