im having a threesome with these popsicles
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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