she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
