TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
