i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
