It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
