I just saw a hot homeless man
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
