I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
