some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
