So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
