if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
