you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
