I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
