what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
