my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
