I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
