if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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