I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
