I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
