You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
