your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
