I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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