I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
