So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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