when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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