Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
