Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
