You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
